im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
