I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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