He is an equal opportunity slut.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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