I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
