toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Someone shit on the floor
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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