Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
tonight lets celebrate not being married
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
the liver wants what the liver wants
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Randomize
