Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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