is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
