Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
