His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
