Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
