Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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