Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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