It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
