Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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