Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
