I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
