I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
