He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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