the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
