How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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