I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
