There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
