Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
