lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
