I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
