You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
