My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
