For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
