Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Alive.
So much puke
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
