I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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