my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
