i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
