I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
