What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
