sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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