I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
