then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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