Pants 0. Shit 1.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
