Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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