Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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