He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
