This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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