that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
