people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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