I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
