will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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