Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
