woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize