I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
