Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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