So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
