you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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