we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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