I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
