quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
