Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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