who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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