Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
