6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
