3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
