i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wear drunk well.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
