My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
