:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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