I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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