you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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