I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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