I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
love makes seman taste better
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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