Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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