You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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