i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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