every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
