so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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