Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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