Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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