So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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